Selfish.

I went about most of my day today in a really weird state of mind. I was really hyper and goofing around with my sisters all day and had a really fun day, but if you were to look inside my head, you would have seen a totally different person! I said way too many "why me's" and "whats if's". I felt sorry for myself and wondered why I've had to go through and deal with some of the things I have. Granted, some of them were really hard things to go through and hurt to think about even now, but as I was sitting at dinner tonight with my amazing family, I realized how selfish I was being all day! There I was feeling so sorry for myself because things didn't go my way again. Lets think about this. Im sitting in a nice restaraunt. With my entire family. Eating a nice dinner. Wearing a new warm coat. Updating my Facebook status from my iPhone. Talking about some of my college classes. I then left and got into my car. Went home to my warm house full of Christmas decorations and "stuff". Now Im sitting here on my laptop watching a movie on my plasma screen tv. I had ALL of that going my way today and I was feeling sorry for myself. Those are all very superficial things, but they are things that I have been blessed with nonetheless and clearly I take them for granted. Aside from the material things , there are people who have lost and gone through so much more than I could ever imagine and Christmas seems to make all those hurts hurt worse. People are spending Christmas missing loved ones. People are spending Christmas alone. Someone will spend their Christmas in a hospital. Someone will spend their Christmas overseas. Someone will spend their Christmas out in the cold. But me? I'll be spending Christmas at home with all of the people that I love. Rough life, huh? After taking a step back and thinking outside my own head for a minute, I realized REALLY quick that there is just no way to justify the attitude I've had all day. So yes, things didnt go my way again. I feel let down and disappointed, but the things I'm feeling bad about become obsolete when I think about it in the big picture. Besides, I know this simply means this isn't where God wanted me. That wasn't what I was supposed to be doing and that's not the road I was supposed to be headed down. Maybe I learned that the semi hard way, but I learned. And any hurts will be healed and I'll be thankful for this farther on down the road. His ways are higher.

Getting so close to Passion 2012!! Can. Not. Wait. I'm so ready for it! I need it Lord, teach me!

On a lighter note, I'm watching Jurassic Park and wondering how on earth I ever watched this as a child. There are videos of the 2 year old me telling the camera that Jurassic Park was my favorite movie. This movie is intense for a baby!!

Ramblings.

I haven't posted in this blog for almost exactly a year. That. Is. Crazy. Every year seems to go by that much quicker. This fact makes me less than happy! So much has happened in this year. I feel like I said that very thing this time LAST year. I guess that just goes to show that no matter how much you think you know, a year later you'll look back and realize you really didn't know anything at all. I'm sure a year from now I'll be saying the exact same thing.

SO, lessons I've learned this year.

1) Take the time to stop, no matter what is going on in your life, and be thankful. Think about that pencil you're holding. It's something small that we never stop to thank the Lord for, but some people would feel rich if they were holding that pencil. Be thankful for class. That's the hardest thing for me to be thankful for.

2) Talk to someone much older than you. Take their advice and soak up their wisdom. You'll be so glad you did.

3) Be nice to people. You never know what someone might be dealing with. I was having a really bad day and a random girl that was ringing me up at the grocery store was SO sweet to me. It made my day. On the other hand, I was having a bad day and someone was really mean to me. I cried all the way home. You could make or break a persons day.

4) Be creative. Paint or learn to knit. Look up craft ideas online and make something.

5) Take time for yourself. It's okay to not do everything for everyone all the time. People will understand.

6) Stand up for yourself. Say what you feel. Don't keep things in. Don't take things you don't deserve. You'll drown in your own emotion if you live life that way. Defend yourself and do it with love.

7) Spend the day with a child. You'll be surprised how much wisdom their little words can hold.

8) Trust in the Lord's timing. "He has made EVERYTHING beautiful in it's time." -Ecclesia 3:11

His plan is perfect. I thought I had learned this lesson last year, but I have recently realized how much I need to trust more in His timing and less in where I think I should be.

9) Love everyone. Give your heart to the people who deserve it.

10) Don't lose faith in love. It's beautiful. Don't lose faith in people. Love them instead. Don't lose faith in yourself. You're stronger than you think!

Im making a resolution to actually keep up with this blog. More for myself. I like to go back remind myself of things. BUT, if any of you actually take time out of your day to read my ramblings, that's cool too :)

I moved back home. That's a longer story for another post, but long story short, I have opportunities and I am going to take them! I'm very excited about the possibilities :) It invloves movies and that notebook of songs I've written. Yeeeeeeah!

Right now I'm just thankful for Christmas break and thankful for all the sparkly decorations that surround me everyday during the holiday season. It's like magic. Spending time with people I love and reconnecting with people I've missed. Love.

If you spent your valuable time reading all of this, I thank you :) You've helped make this blog a little less pointless!

I am in love with the year 2011 thus far. :) School has been insanely busy and I've gotten sick a million times and have been literally drowning in makeup work, but life is just so much happier these days. Letting go of things from your past and things that weigh you down..things that happened and you cant change therefore aren't worth your time...feels amazingly wonderful. Looking ahead with a positive attitude and an open mind seems to make the sun shine a little bit brighter.

I was recently formally pledged to Phi Mu! I am loving it so much. I've met so many great girls and made so many new friends the past few weeks. I'm so excited about it and can't wait until things really get going and I'm more involved. I get iniciated in April and then I'll be an active member. Right now Im a provisional member and technically called a Phi. I get my Mu when I get iniciated :) I have a Big, but I don't know who she is yet. I get to find out in about 3 weeks and Im soooo excited! She gave me such a sweet sweet gift Tuesday and I can't wait till I can thank HER for it and not all the girls just so I make sure I cover anyone it could be!

This is my beautiful Phi Class! I love these girls already and am very happy to get to share this with them.

I was reading one of my sister's blogs and she wrote something that was not only beautifully said, but definitely hit home for me. She said, "One thing is certain- we're all connected. And we can't see these connections. Only He can. Thank God only He can. I'd probably have an anxiety attack if I knew what I had comin. Two years ago I would have tried to change what ended up happening, but then I wouldn't think like I do, and I wouldn't laugh like I do, and I wouldn't thank like I do." (Compliments of Mechay Rush :) http://mechayrush.blogspot.com/) I've been thinking the past few days about how my actions and my decisions effect everyone around me..not just me. Reverse that..others decisions and actions can effect me as well, even if they don't even have me in mind while they are making said decision. A decision I made over a year ago is directly effecting someone I care for very much now, a year later, and I hardley knew this person back then. Had I known how things were going to play out and where I would be today, I would have done everything completely different. But, what kind of person would I be now? I would I appreciate the people in my life as much? No. Would I be careful with how I react and handle things? No. Would I be as compassionate as I am? Doubt it. Would I be as thankful as I am for God's grace and mercy? Doubt that as well. There are so many aspects of myself that would be different now had I known everything before it happened and changed it before it could get to me. So, while its so important to make the right decisions and take in account everyone it could effect instead of just thinking about yourself, it's also important to remember that God is in control and while we make our own decisions with our own free will, He will use those decisions to get us to where we need to be. I may have had to go through some rough times to get to where I am now, and where I am now is better than I could have dreamed life would be a year ago.

So now...pictures I feel need to be shared :)

she's just so cute this speaks for itself..

fun times in Jackson Mississippi :)
fun times at the St. Louis Arch :)