Saturday, December 17, 2011


I went about most of my day today in a really weird state of mind. I was really hyper and goofing around with my sisters all day and had a really fun day, but if you were to look inside my head, you would have seen a totally different person! I said way too many "why me's" and "whats if's". I felt sorry for myself and wondered why I've had to go through and deal with some of the things I have. Granted, some of them were really hard things to go through and hurt to think about even now, but as I was sitting at dinner tonight with my amazing family, I realized how selfish I was being all day! There I was feeling so sorry for myself because things didn't go my way again. Lets think about this. Im sitting in a nice restaraunt. With my entire family. Eating a nice dinner. Wearing a new warm coat. Updating my Facebook status from my iPhone. Talking about some of my college classes. I then left and got into my car. Went home to my warm house full of Christmas decorations and "stuff". Now Im sitting here on my laptop watching a movie on my plasma screen tv. I had ALL of that going my way today and I was feeling sorry for myself. Those are all very superficial things, but they are things that I have been blessed with nonetheless and clearly I take them for granted. Aside from the material things , there are people who have lost and gone through so much more than I could ever imagine and Christmas seems to make all those hurts hurt worse. People are spending Christmas missing loved ones. People are spending Christmas alone. Someone will spend their Christmas in a hospital. Someone will spend their Christmas overseas. Someone will spend their Christmas out in the cold. But me? I'll be spending Christmas at home with all of the people that I love. Rough life, huh? After taking a step back and thinking outside my own head for a minute, I realized REALLY quick that there is just no way to justify the attitude I've had all day. So yes, things didnt go my way again. I feel let down and disappointed, but the things I'm feeling bad about become obsolete when I think about it in the big picture. Besides, I know this simply means this isn't where God wanted me. That wasn't what I was supposed to be doing and that's not the road I was supposed to be headed down. Maybe I learned that the semi hard way, but I learned. And any hurts will be healed and I'll be thankful for this farther on down the road. His ways are higher.
Getting so close to Passion 2012!! Can. Not. Wait. I'm so ready for it! I need it Lord, teach me!
On a lighter note, I'm watching Jurassic Park and wondering how on earth I ever watched this as a child. There are videos of the 2 year old me telling the camera that Jurassic Park was my favorite movie. This movie is intense for a baby!!

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