Selfish.

I went about most of my day today in a really weird state of mind. I was really hyper and goofing around with my sisters all day and had a really fun day, but if you were to look inside my head, you would have seen a totally different person! I said way too many "why me's" and "whats if's". I felt sorry for myself and wondered why I've had to go through and deal with some of the things I have. Granted, some of them were really hard things to go through and hurt to think about even now, but as I was sitting at dinner tonight with my amazing family, I realized how selfish I was being all day! There I was feeling so sorry for myself because things didn't go my way again. Lets think about this. Im sitting in a nice restaraunt. With my entire family. Eating a nice dinner. Wearing a new warm coat. Updating my Facebook status from my iPhone. Talking about some of my college classes. I then left and got into my car. Went home to my warm house full of Christmas decorations and "stuff". Now Im sitting here on my laptop watching a movie on my plasma screen tv. I had ALL of that going my way today and I was feeling sorry for myself. Those are all very superficial things, but they are things that I have been blessed with nonetheless and clearly I take them for granted. Aside from the material things , there are people who have lost and gone through so much more than I could ever imagine and Christmas seems to make all those hurts hurt worse. People are spending Christmas missing loved ones. People are spending Christmas alone. Someone will spend their Christmas in a hospital. Someone will spend their Christmas overseas. Someone will spend their Christmas out in the cold. But me? I'll be spending Christmas at home with all of the people that I love. Rough life, huh? After taking a step back and thinking outside my own head for a minute, I realized REALLY quick that there is just no way to justify the attitude I've had all day. So yes, things didnt go my way again. I feel let down and disappointed, but the things I'm feeling bad about become obsolete when I think about it in the big picture. Besides, I know this simply means this isn't where God wanted me. That wasn't what I was supposed to be doing and that's not the road I was supposed to be headed down. Maybe I learned that the semi hard way, but I learned. And any hurts will be healed and I'll be thankful for this farther on down the road. His ways are higher.

Getting so close to Passion 2012!! Can. Not. Wait. I'm so ready for it! I need it Lord, teach me!

On a lighter note, I'm watching Jurassic Park and wondering how on earth I ever watched this as a child. There are videos of the 2 year old me telling the camera that Jurassic Park was my favorite movie. This movie is intense for a baby!!

Ramblings.

I haven't posted in this blog for almost exactly a year. That. Is. Crazy. Every year seems to go by that much quicker. This fact makes me less than happy! So much has happened in this year. I feel like I said that very thing this time LAST year. I guess that just goes to show that no matter how much you think you know, a year later you'll look back and realize you really didn't know anything at all. I'm sure a year from now I'll be saying the exact same thing.

SO, lessons I've learned this year.

1) Take the time to stop, no matter what is going on in your life, and be thankful. Think about that pencil you're holding. It's something small that we never stop to thank the Lord for, but some people would feel rich if they were holding that pencil. Be thankful for class. That's the hardest thing for me to be thankful for.

2) Talk to someone much older than you. Take their advice and soak up their wisdom. You'll be so glad you did.

3) Be nice to people. You never know what someone might be dealing with. I was having a really bad day and a random girl that was ringing me up at the grocery store was SO sweet to me. It made my day. On the other hand, I was having a bad day and someone was really mean to me. I cried all the way home. You could make or break a persons day.

4) Be creative. Paint or learn to knit. Look up craft ideas online and make something.

5) Take time for yourself. It's okay to not do everything for everyone all the time. People will understand.

6) Stand up for yourself. Say what you feel. Don't keep things in. Don't take things you don't deserve. You'll drown in your own emotion if you live life that way. Defend yourself and do it with love.

7) Spend the day with a child. You'll be surprised how much wisdom their little words can hold.

8) Trust in the Lord's timing. "He has made EVERYTHING beautiful in it's time." -Ecclesia 3:11

His plan is perfect. I thought I had learned this lesson last year, but I have recently realized how much I need to trust more in His timing and less in where I think I should be.

9) Love everyone. Give your heart to the people who deserve it.

10) Don't lose faith in love. It's beautiful. Don't lose faith in people. Love them instead. Don't lose faith in yourself. You're stronger than you think!

Im making a resolution to actually keep up with this blog. More for myself. I like to go back remind myself of things. BUT, if any of you actually take time out of your day to read my ramblings, that's cool too :)

I moved back home. That's a longer story for another post, but long story short, I have opportunities and I am going to take them! I'm very excited about the possibilities :) It invloves movies and that notebook of songs I've written. Yeeeeeeah!

Right now I'm just thankful for Christmas break and thankful for all the sparkly decorations that surround me everyday during the holiday season. It's like magic. Spending time with people I love and reconnecting with people I've missed. Love.

If you spent your valuable time reading all of this, I thank you :) You've helped make this blog a little less pointless!