It turns out that being 20 is a whole lot like being 19. Nothing really changes. Don't look any different. Dont feel any different. No one treats me any different. People still guess that I am about 15 years old, so that might be why people still treat me like a 15 year old. The looks that I get when I tell people that I am a junior in college are priceless. The looks are often followed by asking for proof. So, I show them my driver's lisence so that I can prove that I am indeed 20 years old. I got my ears pierced a few months ago and the woman wasn't going to let me get them done without my mom being there, but when I told her that I was legally old enough to do it on my own she didn't believe me. She checked my ID 4 times. Then, as she jammed needles through my ears, she chatted about how it just blew her mind that I wasn't 15. I dont see it, but I guess one day Ill be happy that people think I am so young. There is a down side to this, though. Guys. 12-17 year old guys LOVE to hit on me. They think I'm their age, so they think that this flirting is actually going to get them somewhere. It's cute. At first. The good guys around my age think I'm too young for them so they never talk to me. The creepy guys around my age also think Im too young, but they're creepy so they don't care. Sometimes I feel like I should wear a tshirt that says, "I'M 20 YEARS OLD." just so that there is no confusion. But that's just a bad idea. So there's that.
Being a junior, on the other hand, is different than being a sophomore. Junior year is NO JOKE. Im trying to find internships and jobs and trying to get published and classes are insane and all my friends are getting married, and things are changing. I've never been good at change. But it's happening and it's happening fast! Im doing my best to handle it gracefully, so we'll see how I do. I am like the QUEEN of being confused and not knowing what to do. There's this beautiful 6 week internship opportunity calling me in Chicago. Sounds like a no brainer, but Im going to be out on my own soon enough so do I want to go off for one of my last summers with my whole family together? It's such a great opportunity though. I don't know if I should take it or pass on it. I love love love being a nanny and I wont be able to do it forever so I also want to do that for as long as I can before I have to be a REAL grown up and get a job. I want to go I want to stay I want to go I want to stay. It makes me tired. All my friends are getting married and engaged and Im over here hopelessly single. Im really okay with being single because God can really work in and through me in this time but sometimes I get a bit restless. I had always thought I'd at least know who I was going to be with by this point. That may be a bit irrational since Im only 20, but a lot of my friends are already there! Im just ready for that part of my future I think. Im not like out looking to marry the next guy who smiles at me, but I am definitely ready to find the right one that God has for me. Maybe God is teaching me patience. I have so many plans and dreams and hopes and some are realistic and some aren't so realistic, but I wouldn't be me if I didnt have at least a FEW insane ideas up my sleeve :) I never know what to tackel first or which ones are best left as a dream I used to have. So basically I know that in the matter of a couple short years Im going to have to buck up and be an adult and that scares me a little. Im excited about it for the most part, there's just so many things I want to do. I don't want to be one of those people who has this big extraordinary bucket list and then they grow up and they get a job and they dont do any of it. Walt Disney himself that that's the real problem with the world. Too many people grow up. I want to be able to grow up, fall in love, get a great job, have a family, and still do all the things I dreamed of doing. Too many people grow up and they stop dreaming. The world wears them down and it loses it's magic. Right now the world is still a very magical place to me and I don't want to ever ever lose that. Mostly, I want to keep that and be able to share it with those around me and eventually teach my kids to see the world that way. It's also possible that I think far far too deeply into everything. THANKFULLY I serve a God who is bigger than any of these worries and has a plan better than any of these opportunities. They may or may not include these opportunitites. If they do, thats wonderful. If not, it's just because He had better ones in mind. But me, being me, I like to know where Im going from here and the next step I should take. So I stress! God is faithful. But Im going to sleep now. I have class at 10 and my professor got a tad irritated last time I fell asleep :)
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